An unnamed Arkansas couple has filed suit against Sophie Von Licorice and The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy and Correspondence School, alleging false advertising and reckless endangerment.
The couple is also suing the airport (for renting them the plane) as well as the manufacturer of the plane (for failing to post adequate signs in the cockpit warning them not to let their dog fly the plane.) Also named in the suit, the architect (for putting the giftshop so close to the runway) and the makers of the goggles the couple bought for the occasion.
It is unclear at this time who was wearing the goggles, but the company specializes in poolwear for pets, so it's fairly safe to assume they're being held liable for failing to warn against wearing the goggles while flying a plane.
Surrounded by faculty, staff and several dozen student pilots, or "pawlots" as they're called, Von Licorice read the following statement at an impromptu press conference on the steps of her Canine Flight Academy in Encino, yesterday:
"Recently, everyone at The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy and Correspondence School and I were saddened to hear of the events of this past September... We didn't want to believe it at first, but now the harsh reality is impossible to ignore. Apparently, the lease was up with the Hickory Farms just two doors down from us and the landlord raised the rent and sixty days later... They're gone."
At this, the legendary Von Licorice choked up briefly. All present followed her gaze, two doors down. The windows were papered up, but the logo, in metal and lucite, still hung over the door.
There followed a profound silence. Several pawlots and staff bowed their heads.
Then Von Licorice broke down and had to be helped away. The media throng, who'd gathered to hear Von Licorice's comments on the lawsuit, were visibly moved and quietly left. (Actually, the two of them had driven over in the same van.)
Was it another Oscar-worthy performance by the Best Supporting Beagle/Dachshund of 1934 and 1937? Perhaps. But those reporters left out of reverence, and if they wrote anything at all, they wrote about a world where one more monster lawsuit didn't mean a thing compared with the sadness of a little dog, forever deprived of her daily proximity to smoked sausage and international cheeses. (Actually, they might not have been reporters. They might have just pulled over to see what was going on.)
If it was a dog and pony show (albeit without the pony) it was inspired more likely by boredom and a sense of mischief than by anything approaching panic. Von Licorice and the more senior members of her faculty and staff know something those reporters probably don't: the lawsuit is nothing new. Since its founding in 1986, The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flying Academy and Correspondence School has been sued more than six hundred times. Without exception, every case has settled out of court and the terms have remained confidential. Does Von Licorice's legal team prevail? "In most cases," one insider admitted, under condition of anonymity, "the big challenge... is keeping a straight face!"
As for the Academy, at the conclusion of the press conference, Von Licorice was driven away in her pink Cadillac, while the staff, faculty and pawlots went back inside and resumed their studies. The only thing different is the sad looks on everyone's faces as the smell of smoked sausage and international cheeses slowly fades away into memory.
(Okay, one of the guys had a Frogurt. So they probably weren't reporters.)
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