THE COUCH TRIP
EXCITING NEWS FOR FANS OF SOPHIE VON LICORICE!
A SIMPLER, EASIER WAY TO LEAVE COMMENTS, BECOME A MEMBER
Dear Family, Friends and Fans:
All of you to whom I have spoken have expressed frustration and annoyance at your inability to leave comments--not easily, but at all.
In the four months that the blog has been publishing, only one person--a fellow blogger--has managed to post a comment successfully.
Dear Family, Friends and Fans:
All of you to whom I have spoken have expressed frustration and annoyance at your inability to leave comments--not easily, but at all.
In the four months that the blog has been publishing, only one person--a fellow blogger--has managed to post a comment successfully.
As I imagine my readers (children, elderly dementia patients, convicts, dog-lovers and baffled people from all over Asia) I don't imagine many of them as more techno-savvy than I.
Consequently, I would like everyone who enjoys this blog to be free to leave a comment without having to sign up for or sign in to anything--without having their tech-knowledge challenged.
With that in mind, kind readers, please feel free to e-mail your comments directly to:
Consequently, I would like everyone who enjoys this blog to be free to leave a comment without having to sign up for or sign in to anything--without having their tech-knowledge challenged.
With that in mind, kind readers, please feel free to e-mail your comments directly to:
sophievonlicorice@yahoo.com
If your comment is specific to a particular story, please let me know. I'll post your comments as quickly as I am able.
Also, if you'd like to become (an unofficial) Member, send me a photo (of yourself, your dog, your kid) and I'll post it really, really small, with your first name (or that of your dog or kid) underneath it. And I'll e-mail you when I publish something new.
In essence, I am offering to act as a one-man social network--let's call it FACELICK...
I hope I have time. Right now I need to take someone out for walkies...
Thanks for reading,David Stamford
SOMETHING A LITTLE OFF ABOUT THE NEW DOG...
"I can't bark at you and chase you if you keep flopping on your back like that!"
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: THE UGGIE TRUTH
February 9, 2012
The following read by David Stamford, Von Licorice’s publicist, manager and the guy who feeds her.
Sophie Von Licorice, America’s Pooch, international star of stage and screen, best-selling authoress, record-setting aviatrix, legendary chanteuse and current face of L’Oreal’s Fur d’Artifice makeup line, wishes it to be known that she has never met Uggie, star of this year’s multiple Academy Award nominee, “The Artist”. The two were not seen canoodling behind the Ivy yesterday and Uggie is not staying with Von Licorice in her Santa Monica digs while in town for awards season.
Von Licorice did not meet Uggie on the set of “The Artist” just over a year ago while in Paris promoting the latest edition of her “Great Bitches of History” series. They did not spend twenty days and nights in a suite at the George V, living on nothing but Evian and room service turkey jerky. The affair—which didn’t happen—did not end with a howling fight and several million francs in damage to the room.
The couple--who aren’t a couple--did not seem to have reconciled when they were not seen and extensively photographed on the town in Manhattan last fall. They did not buy matching monogrammed collars at Gucci. That was not them, sitting sixth row on the aisle at a preview of “Venus in Fur.” Sophie did not rent a suite at the Plaza only to check out hours later. She was not then seen and again, extensively photographed, minutes later, slipping into the front door of the Soho building where Uggie was not staying… while promoting “The Artist” in New York.
Von Licorice did not meet Uggie on the set of “The Artist” just over a year ago while in Paris promoting the latest edition of her “Great Bitches of History” series. They did not spend twenty days and nights in a suite at the George V, living on nothing but Evian and room service turkey jerky. The affair—which didn’t happen—did not end with a howling fight and several million francs in damage to the room.
The couple--who aren’t a couple--did not seem to have reconciled when they were not seen and extensively photographed on the town in Manhattan last fall. They did not buy matching monogrammed collars at Gucci. That was not them, sitting sixth row on the aisle at a preview of “Venus in Fur.” Sophie did not rent a suite at the Plaza only to check out hours later. She was not then seen and again, extensively photographed, minutes later, slipping into the front door of the Soho building where Uggie was not staying… while promoting “The Artist” in New York.
The pair were not in Aspen over Christmas. They aren’t a pair. And they weren’t a pair there. They did not stay at Jerry Bruckheimer’s guesthouse. They did not get memorably tipsy at a party at Nick and Mariah’s and that is not them on You-Tube performing an NC-17 version of “How Much is that Doggie in the Window?” Also, they were certainly not seen later, snuggling and enjoying a nightcap in the hot-tub.
Uggie did not make a much-publicized covert trip to Manhattan reportedly to pick out an engagement ring. He did not pop the question at midnight, Aspen time, on New Year's Eve. Sophie did not tearfully decline. She did not say that she loved him, but that at this stage in her life, she wasn’t looking for a mate. And she did not later confess to friends that he felt like “the one” but that he also felt like a rover.
And dogs don’t wear rings.
Or marry, come to think of it. That’s just us projecting human characteristics on them. And that is just sad, right? I mean, we should really get a grip.
Finally, there’s been a rumor that, in order to avoid the crush of paparazzi outside Von Licorice’s Santa Monica home, the pair have holed up in the Whitey Bulger suite at the Princess Eugenia. This is not true, so please do not gather there in the hope of catching a glimpse of them—especially at walkees time, which is definitely not mid-morning around ten or evenings around eight-thirty.
So ends the statement to be read at this time.
No journalists were in attendance at this press conference, which did not happen yesterday at 3pm in the Blossom Ballroom at the Roosevelt Hotel.
…So no one can prove I said any of this.
No journalists were in attendance at this press conference, which did not happen yesterday at 3pm in the Blossom Ballroom at the Roosevelt Hotel.
…So no one can prove I said any of this.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: PLANE CRASH SPELLS TROUBLE FOR SOPHIE'S FLYING SCHOOL!
November 12, 2011
An unnamed Arkansas couple has filed suit against Sophie Von Licorice and The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy and Correspondence School, alleging false advertising and reckless endangerment.
In September of this year, the couple and their eleven-year-old Cockapoo (also unnamed) barely escaped serious injury when their single-engine bi-plane, with the dog at the controls, missed its take-off from a local airport and veered into several other small planes before coming to rest in the giftshop. While no one was injured, damages were estimated at well over a million dollars.
The couple is also suing the airport (for renting them the plane) as well as the manufacturer of the plane (for failing to post adequate signs in the cockpit warning them not to let their dog fly the plane.) Also named in the suit, the architect (for putting the giftshop so close to the runway) and the makers of the goggles the couple bought for the occasion.
It is unclear at this time who was wearing the goggles, but the company specializes in poolwear for pets, so it's fairly safe to assume they're being held liable for failing to warn against wearing the goggles while flying a plane.
Surrounded by faculty, staff and several dozen student pilots, or "pawlots" as they're called, Von Licorice read the following statement at an impromptu press conference on the steps of her Canine Flight Academy in Encino, yesterday:
"Recently, everyone at The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy and Correspondence School and I were saddened to hear of the events of this past September... We didn't want to believe it at first, but now the harsh reality is impossible to ignore. Apparently, the lease was up with the Hickory Farms just two doors down from us and the landlord raised the rent and sixty days later... They're gone."
At this, the legendary Von Licorice choked up briefly. All present followed her gaze, two doors down. The windows were papered up, but the logo, in metal and lucite, still hung over the door.
There followed a profound silence. Several pawlots and staff bowed their heads.
Then Von Licorice broke down and had to be helped away. The media throng, who'd gathered to hear Von Licorice's comments on the lawsuit, were visibly moved and quietly left. (Actually, the two of them had driven over in the same van.)
Was it another Oscar-worthy performance by the Best Supporting Beagle/Dachshund of 1934 and 1937? Perhaps. But those reporters left out of reverence, and if they wrote anything at all, they wrote about a world where one more monster lawsuit didn't mean a thing compared with the sadness of a little dog, forever deprived of her daily proximity to smoked sausage and international cheeses. (Actually, they might not have been reporters. They might have just pulled over to see what was going on.)
If it was a dog and pony show (albeit without the pony) it was inspired more likely by boredom and a sense of mischief than by anything approaching panic. Von Licorice and the more senior members of her faculty and staff know something those reporters probably don't: the lawsuit is nothing new. Since its founding in 1986, The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flying Academy and Correspondence School has been sued more than six hundred times. Without exception, every case has settled out of court and the terms have remained confidential. Does Von Licorice's legal team prevail? "In most cases," one insider admitted, under condition of anonymity, "the big challenge... is keeping a straight face!"
As for the Academy, at the conclusion of the press conference, Von Licorice was driven away in her pink Cadillac, while the staff, faculty and pawlots went back inside and resumed their studies. The only thing different is the sad looks on everyone's faces as the smell of smoked sausage and international cheeses slowly fades away into memory.
(Okay, one of the guys had a Frogurt. So they probably weren't reporters.)
An unnamed Arkansas couple has filed suit against Sophie Von Licorice and The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy and Correspondence School, alleging false advertising and reckless endangerment.
The couple is also suing the airport (for renting them the plane) as well as the manufacturer of the plane (for failing to post adequate signs in the cockpit warning them not to let their dog fly the plane.) Also named in the suit, the architect (for putting the giftshop so close to the runway) and the makers of the goggles the couple bought for the occasion.
It is unclear at this time who was wearing the goggles, but the company specializes in poolwear for pets, so it's fairly safe to assume they're being held liable for failing to warn against wearing the goggles while flying a plane.
Surrounded by faculty, staff and several dozen student pilots, or "pawlots" as they're called, Von Licorice read the following statement at an impromptu press conference on the steps of her Canine Flight Academy in Encino, yesterday:
"Recently, everyone at The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy and Correspondence School and I were saddened to hear of the events of this past September... We didn't want to believe it at first, but now the harsh reality is impossible to ignore. Apparently, the lease was up with the Hickory Farms just two doors down from us and the landlord raised the rent and sixty days later... They're gone."
At this, the legendary Von Licorice choked up briefly. All present followed her gaze, two doors down. The windows were papered up, but the logo, in metal and lucite, still hung over the door.
There followed a profound silence. Several pawlots and staff bowed their heads.
Then Von Licorice broke down and had to be helped away. The media throng, who'd gathered to hear Von Licorice's comments on the lawsuit, were visibly moved and quietly left. (Actually, the two of them had driven over in the same van.)
Was it another Oscar-worthy performance by the Best Supporting Beagle/Dachshund of 1934 and 1937? Perhaps. But those reporters left out of reverence, and if they wrote anything at all, they wrote about a world where one more monster lawsuit didn't mean a thing compared with the sadness of a little dog, forever deprived of her daily proximity to smoked sausage and international cheeses. (Actually, they might not have been reporters. They might have just pulled over to see what was going on.)
If it was a dog and pony show (albeit without the pony) it was inspired more likely by boredom and a sense of mischief than by anything approaching panic. Von Licorice and the more senior members of her faculty and staff know something those reporters probably don't: the lawsuit is nothing new. Since its founding in 1986, The Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flying Academy and Correspondence School has been sued more than six hundred times. Without exception, every case has settled out of court and the terms have remained confidential. Does Von Licorice's legal team prevail? "In most cases," one insider admitted, under condition of anonymity, "the big challenge... is keeping a straight face!"
As for the Academy, at the conclusion of the press conference, Von Licorice was driven away in her pink Cadillac, while the staff, faculty and pawlots went back inside and resumed their studies. The only thing different is the sad looks on everyone's faces as the smell of smoked sausage and international cheeses slowly fades away into memory.
(Okay, one of the guys had a Frogurt. So they probably weren't reporters.)
SOPHIE AND BUSTER
Here is Sophie playing with her friend Buster at the Santa Monica Airport dog park. The other little black dog is Lucy, and in the background is Sophie's Best Beagle Friend, Lola.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: IS SOPHIE BROKE?
As part of an independent campaign-finance investigation into Sophie Von Licorice--international star, authoress, aviatrix, chanteuse and recently, Santa Monica City Council candidate--auditors may have uncovered news which, while potentially devastating to the star, may not in itself preclude her running in the 2012 elections, specifically, that the legendary pooch is penniless.
"We are shocked and shaken by the news and we urge discretion and restraint until a more complete investigation is conducted," said a shocked and shaken David Stamford, Von Licorice's publicist, personal manager and the guy who feeds her.
In response to Stamford's request for discretion and restraint, The National Enquirer pledged to use 18 point type verses 20 in its next cover headline: "SAY IT AIN'T SOPH!" while The Star agreed to publish its cover story, "AMERICA'S POOCH: BROKE, DRUNK AND SUICIDAL!" with retraction included.
Indeed, the unflappable Beagle/Dachshund seems barely to care about this latest setback: "I have my health, I have people who love me, and I have millions of dollars worth of stocks, bonds, real estate and other investments!" At which point, someone took her aside and explained what bankrupt meant.
Still, it's hard to believe it could happen. While Von Licorice earns nothing from the many times her films run on the late show, she does receive sizable residuals for her long-running 70's sitcom, "Good Girl!" and over the years has been known to invest wisely. Then there's the highly profitable Sophie Von Licorice International Canine Flight Academy. Add to that her considerable earnings as an author (her "Great Bitches of History" series alone has sold over half a billion copies) her decades-long career as a recording artist, plus speaking fees and personal appearances, and it's difficult to believe it could all be gone.
Where are the stock certificates? Where are the deeds to all that real estate? What happened to the star's legendary jewelry collection? And where is Murray Golden, Von Licorice's long-time financial advisor and CFO of Golden Retriever Investments?
The National Enquirer confirmed reports that Golden was "on retreat" in a cave owned by the heirs to the Batboy estate.
Von Licorice remains philosophical about her future: "Okay. So I have my health and people who love me. As for roaming the streets, living outside, scrounging through the garbage and begging for french fries from strangers--that's every dog's dream!"
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SOPHIE NOT BROKE
September 19, 2011
The important papers were on a high shelf. Murray Golden was walking his dogs.
The important papers were on a high shelf. Murray Golden was walking his dogs.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SOPHIE TO RUN FOR SANTA MONICA CITY COUNCIL
August 30, 2011
Putting to rest months of speculation, Sophie Von Licorice has confirmed plans to run for the Santa Monica City Council in November of this year. Political experts are predicting she will run again in 2012, when there will actually be elections.
At an informal press conference on the lawn of City Hall on Monday, Von Licorice, in pink harness, white hat and pearls, apologized for the heat and promised to do something about it if elected. When asked her party affiliation, Ms. Von Licorice declared "I go wherever I'm invited!"
Though she remained stubbornly elusive on the subject, she did make clear she was by no means the Pee-Party Candidate, referring to them as "a bunch of old dogs and young bitches who eat homework and piddle on history--books."
Von Licorice was refreshingly forthcoming when it came to specific issues, declaring herself steadfastly Pro-Choice: "Though I prefer Prime, I never say 'no' to Select, Standard or even Commercial grade."
"I would also like to buy a pork barrel. I don't know what that is, but I think it sounds interesting."
As for local issues, Von Licorice declared she was "For bigger small dog parks and smaller big dog parks. " She also declared herself a staunch supporter of Prop 871168a--which is apparently entirely of her own creation (the City Council does resolutions and ordinances, not propositions.) According to a spokesperson from Von Licorice's campaign office, the proposition forbids non-consensual dressing up in cute outfits.
While Von Licorice has sat on the laps of presidents and premieres, and has been on sniffing terms with nearly every First Dog since Fala, she has never actually run for office before. "I'm just dipping my paw..." she said.
As for running a year early, her staff seemed unphased. "She really likes to run." said her campaign manager and publicist--the guy who feeds her.
Putting to rest months of speculation, Sophie Von Licorice has confirmed plans to run for the Santa Monica City Council in November of this year. Political experts are predicting she will run again in 2012, when there will actually be elections.
At an informal press conference on the lawn of City Hall on Monday, Von Licorice, in pink harness, white hat and pearls, apologized for the heat and promised to do something about it if elected. When asked her party affiliation, Ms. Von Licorice declared "I go wherever I'm invited!"
Though she remained stubbornly elusive on the subject, she did make clear she was by no means the Pee-Party Candidate, referring to them as "a bunch of old dogs and young bitches who eat homework and piddle on history--books."
Von Licorice was refreshingly forthcoming when it came to specific issues, declaring herself steadfastly Pro-Choice: "Though I prefer Prime, I never say 'no' to Select, Standard or even Commercial grade."
"I would also like to buy a pork barrel. I don't know what that is, but I think it sounds interesting."
As for local issues, Von Licorice declared she was "For bigger small dog parks and smaller big dog parks. " She also declared herself a staunch supporter of Prop 871168a--which is apparently entirely of her own creation (the City Council does resolutions and ordinances, not propositions.) According to a spokesperson from Von Licorice's campaign office, the proposition forbids non-consensual dressing up in cute outfits.
While Von Licorice has sat on the laps of presidents and premieres, and has been on sniffing terms with nearly every First Dog since Fala, she has never actually run for office before. "I'm just dipping my paw..." she said.
As for running a year early, her staff seemed unphased. "She really likes to run." said her campaign manager and publicist--the guy who feeds her.
SOPHIE AND IZZY
Here is Sophie playing with her friend Izzy (short for Isabel) on the grass outside the Santa Monica Airport dogpark--hence the buzz of engines. Believe it or not, Izzy, like Sophie, is part Beagle. Check out the ninja-rollover Sophie pulls about eight seconds in.
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: NEW AIRBRUSHING CONTROVERSY FOR L'OREAL
August 18, 2011
First, it was Beyonce', then Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington, now we can add Sophie Von Licorice to the list of celebrated beauties whose allegedly over-airbrushed images have brought controversy to French cosmetics giant L'Oreal.
It was back in 2008 that fans of Beyonce' cried foul when a suspiciously light-skinned image of the diva appeared in an ad for L'Oreal's "Feria" hair color line.
A rep for the cosmetics empire denied the rumors, saying "It is categorically untrue that L'Oréal Paris altered Ms. Knowles' features or skin-tone in the campaign..." ,
Then, earlier this year, and just after the American Medical Association voted to discourage advertisers from heavily retouching photos--especially in ads targeting teens--L'Oreal stoked further controversy by launching a campaign for its "Teint Miracle" line of foundations, featuring what critics complained were heavily touched-up images of actress Julia Roberts and supermodel Christy Turlington. Those ads were eventually pulled in Britain.
And now, a series of ads featuring L'Oreal spokespooch Sophie Von Licorice has come under fire, drawing complaints of "computer enhancement" from all corners of the industry.
Von Licorice has been the face of L'Oreal's highly successful canine cosmetics line, "Fur d'Artifice", since it launched in 2004.
Her publicist, and current paramour, David Stamford was quoted as saying: "Holy crap! You mean beauty advertisers airbrush their images? What's next--airbrushed images on magazine covers? Are you going to tell me that Reality Television is fake and that people lie on their Facebook pages? I am shocked! And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the rock I live under."
Von Licorice was not available for comment because she was very busy licking herself.
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: NEW AIRSPEED RECORD FOR VON LICORICE!
August 14, 2011
Yet another air speed record has been set by Sophie Von Licorice, "America's Pooch", international star of stage and screen, bestselling authoress and legendary chanteuse. The beloved Beagle/Dachshund, who has been flying--and setting records--since the Second World War, arrived late Sunday afternoon at Santa Monica Airport, having set a new airspeed record for a solo round trip to Pismo Beach--by a female Beagle/Dachshund.
The round trip took sixteen hours, partly because Von Licorice had initially thought Pismo Beach was to the Southeast and flew several miles in that direction before realizing it wasn't. Another five hours were spent trolling for french fries on the Pismo Pier, then a lovely nap on a friend's couch and it was back to the air for the intrepid pooch.
AMID CHEERS FROM HER MANY ADMIRERS, Von Licorice hopped out of her signature lipstick red 1936 Waco YMF-5C Biplane and attempted to navigate a sea of paparazzi, before being presented with a framed certificate and a piece of turkey jerky by Warren Wynnsock, Commissioner of the NCAA (the National Canine Aviation Association.)
"We are proud to be present as Ms. Von Licorice makes aviation history once again." said Wynnsock as part of an agonizing hour and twenty minute speech, during which Von Licorice "snuck off for a piddle--twice!" as she later admitted. By the time the presentation concluded, only Von Licorice, various members of Wynnsock's staff, his mother and a single cub reporter from NPR remained. "I only hung around because someone offered me a ride." said the reporter, who wished to remain anonymous out of embarrassment.
A transcript of the speech shows that the presentation might have gone on for at least another hour had darkness not intervened. Not for nothing is the Commissioner referred to (in hushed tones) as Warren Wynnbag.
WHY DID SHE STAY? International stars of stage and screen--and especially those who can fly--don't generally hang around in one location for so long--especially after the press has gone home. The answer is simple. As the only Beagle/Dachsund, in fact the only dog in America to hold a pilot's license, Von Licorice is the NCAA's greatest source of pride, but she's also its only member.
"I just love the guy and I'd sit and listen to him all night long if I could--as long as he keeps feeding me turkey jerky" said Sophie. And then she burped.
Of course, as the only canine licensed pilot in America, everything Von Licorice does in the cockpit becomes a record, including: First Female Beagle/Dachshund to Fly Solo Non-Stop from New York to Los Angeles, First Female Beagle/Dachshund to Fly Solo Non-Stop from LAX to Bob Hope International, and First Female Beagle/Dachshund to Fly.
When asked at what point she realized she'd been going in the wrong direction, Von Licorice quipped: "I'd initially planned to go the long way 'round."
The airspeed record for a solo round trip from Santa Monica to Pismo Beach by a non-Beagle/Dachshund has never been established because no one cares.
Yet another air speed record has been set by Sophie Von Licorice, "America's Pooch", international star of stage and screen, bestselling authoress and legendary chanteuse. The beloved Beagle/Dachshund, who has been flying--and setting records--since the Second World War, arrived late Sunday afternoon at Santa Monica Airport, having set a new airspeed record for a solo round trip to Pismo Beach--by a female Beagle/Dachshund.
AMID CHEERS FROM HER MANY ADMIRERS, Von Licorice hopped out of her signature lipstick red 1936 Waco YMF-5C Biplane and attempted to navigate a sea of paparazzi, before being presented with a framed certificate and a piece of turkey jerky by Warren Wynnsock, Commissioner of the NCAA (the National Canine Aviation Association.)
"We are proud to be present as Ms. Von Licorice makes aviation history once again." said Wynnsock as part of an agonizing hour and twenty minute speech, during which Von Licorice "snuck off for a piddle--twice!" as she later admitted. By the time the presentation concluded, only Von Licorice, various members of Wynnsock's staff, his mother and a single cub reporter from NPR remained. "I only hung around because someone offered me a ride." said the reporter, who wished to remain anonymous out of embarrassment.
A transcript of the speech shows that the presentation might have gone on for at least another hour had darkness not intervened. Not for nothing is the Commissioner referred to (in hushed tones) as Warren Wynnbag.
WHY DID SHE STAY? International stars of stage and screen--and especially those who can fly--don't generally hang around in one location for so long--especially after the press has gone home. The answer is simple. As the only Beagle/Dachsund, in fact the only dog in America to hold a pilot's license, Von Licorice is the NCAA's greatest source of pride, but she's also its only member.
"I just love the guy and I'd sit and listen to him all night long if I could--as long as he keeps feeding me turkey jerky" said Sophie. And then she burped.
Of course, as the only canine licensed pilot in America, everything Von Licorice does in the cockpit becomes a record, including: First Female Beagle/Dachshund to Fly Solo Non-Stop from New York to Los Angeles, First Female Beagle/Dachshund to Fly Solo Non-Stop from LAX to Bob Hope International, and First Female Beagle/Dachshund to Fly.
When asked at what point she realized she'd been going in the wrong direction, Von Licorice quipped: "I'd initially planned to go the long way 'round."
The airspeed record for a solo round trip from Santa Monica to Pismo Beach by a non-Beagle/Dachshund has never been established because no one cares.
SOPHIE AND FRIENDS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: FABLED "VALENTINO PEARLS" MISSING!
August 7, 2011
The iconic "Valentino Pearls"--long the style signature of fabled international star of stage and screen, best-selling authoress, chanteuse and aviatrix, Sophie Von Licorice--are missing.
Insured by Lloyds of London for in excess of $700,000.00, the Valentino Pearls have long been the centerpiece of Ms. Von Licorice's wardrobe and the touchstone for a generation of girl Beagle/Dachshunds eager to copy her less-is-more elegance and style.
The iconic "Valentino Pearls"--long the style signature of fabled international star of stage and screen, best-selling authoress, chanteuse and aviatrix, Sophie Von Licorice--are missing.
Insured by Lloyds of London for in excess of $700,000.00, the Valentino Pearls have long been the centerpiece of Ms. Von Licorice's wardrobe and the touchstone for a generation of girl Beagle/Dachshunds eager to copy her less-is-more elegance and style.
Von Licorice was reportedly attending an informal gathering at the Santa Monica home of long-time frenemy, Terrier Charliegirl Weiss. Also in attendance was noted socialite and Chowmix, Gina Giacomo. While the three had known each other for years, only Giacomo and Von Licorice had remained close. The Weiss/Von Licorice friendship had reportedly cooled since the "My Bone!" incident of 2010. Also in attendance were four humans, including Von Licorice's current paramour, "The-guy-who-feeds-me."
While police are not ruling out any suspects, a Santa Monica Police Department spokesman was quoted as saying "We're hoping that a thorough search of the couch cushions will produce the missing pearls."
Detectives arrived fourteen hours later to begin the search. Their findings will be made public later this month.
While police are not ruling out any suspects, a Santa Monica Police Department spokesman was quoted as saying "We're hoping that a thorough search of the couch cushions will produce the missing pearls."
Detectives arrived fourteen hours later to begin the search. Their findings will be made public later this month.
As for how the century's most celebrated pearls ended up around the slender neck of the century's most celebrated pooch, accounts differ. In his meticulous 1978 biography of Von Licorice, "America's Pooch" author Burford Barkley asserts that the single-strand necklace was a death-bed bequeathal from Rudolph Valentino, an early paramour of Von Licorice, and that she wore them for the very first time at his 1926 funeral.
This sparked decades of speculation that she was the mysterious "Beagle/Dachshund in Black" --the unknown mourner who visited Valentino's grave annually, on the anniversary of his death, to leave a single red rose on his tombstone and piddle on Ramon Novarro's.
Von Licorice has always denied this--but with a wink. The truth was finally revealed in August of 1980, when inquisitive journalists ambushed the mystery pooch and discovered it was not a Beagle/Dachshund at all, but a very tiny, very old, very male Chihuahua in a heavily-padded Beagle/Dachshund costume.
As for his decision to impersonate a female, he is reported to have said "Hey--everybody likes to feel pretty."
Pepe died in 1982 in a shoot-out in El Paso. Subsequently a number of individuals have taken up the ritual, most memorably, Irwin Schlank, a 230-pound retired Enron accountant whose Beagle/Dachshund costume was custom-built by NASA's Jet-Propulsion Laboratory, in collaboration with Frederick's of Hollywood. Schlank portrayed the "Beagle/Dachshund in Black" from 1993 until 2001, when he mysteriously disappeared.
In her recent unauthorized biography of Von Licorice, "Eat, Sniff, Love," Leesha Sheltie, debunks the entire Rudolph Valentino story as Hollywood mythmaking, pointing out that Von Licorice "would have to be nearly ninety years old--and dog years don't work that way." In a particularly lurid chapter of a famously lurid book, Sheltie asserts that the pearls were a gift from designer Valentino Garavani, after a particularly arduous night of "being his girl" at a private club in London, owned by Karl Lagerfeld.
Still others contend that Valentino was a guy who worked at Ray's Pizza who loved to toss anchovies to Von Licorice whenever she went by on walkies. The pearls are said to have belonged to his daughter, Bernardetta, whose neck had recently gotten too fat.
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